


i forget the difference between seduction and arson

by blueabsinthe, boltschick2612



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Come Swallowing, Communication Failure, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Face-Fucking, Friends With Benefits, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-08 23:01:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1959402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueabsinthe/pseuds/blueabsinthe, https://archiveofourown.org/users/boltschick2612/pseuds/boltschick2612
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex was a tangible piece of what mattered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i forget the difference between seduction and arson

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place shortly following the 2014 Olympics. We're being a bit *handwavy* with the timeline. 
> 
> Title is from the absolutely fabulous Daphne Gottlieb poem, [why things burn](http://www.daphnegottlieb.com/poems/wtb.html).

Alex had always tried to make decisions he would consider 'good life choices', which is why he was still trying to process why he thought hopping on another plane to Tampa after landing in the States was one of them. Alex knew he was kind of on borrowed time, seeing as how the Blues were due to play a game in Vancouver on the 26th. 

By the time Alex landed safely in Tampa, and made his way to Steven's apartment, he was still trying to calm his spinning thoughts. Thoughts that he knew would be somewhat eased after seeing Steven. 

    If pressed, Alex would have to say his jumbled thoughts may have something to do with all the tireless hours he had just spent in Sochi, trying to shake the memory of Steven, and forget the fact he was also supposed to be there. Alex felt for Steven, he really did.

   Alex knew getting the Olympic invite meant a great deal to Steven, and he could only imagine the disappointment Steven felt when he wasn't medically cleared to participate.

    What Alex didn't imagine, or anticipate, was how much he would miss Steven. It wasn't just having Steven on the ice he missed, and that was probably the most surprising. Alex didn't want to admit all the hours he had spent at night, tossing and turning in his small hotel bed, trying to pin down exactly what it was he missed most about Steven. 

Even standing on Steven's doorstep, Alex was still at a loss as to why then, of all times, was when his mind decided to remind him of every intoxicating nuance Steven possessed, even playing his smooth voice through his thoughts, like a record set to repeat. 

    Any residual thought he had regarding his life choices evaporated almost as soon as Steven's door opened, and Alex caught and held Steven's gaze.

    The blue of Steven's eyes was exactly as Alex remembered; a steely blue that echoed a calm Alex longed for. Except this time there was something else mirrored in the depths of Steven's eyes, and it was anything but calm. If Alex was pressed to label it, he might have to say it was shock, bordering on panic.

    _Shit_ , Alex thought, with a sick twisting in the pit of his stomach. _This isn't the kind of greeting I was hoping for_.

    Alex couldn't help but wonder what Steven could have been thinking in that instant, or the reason for his reaction. Nonetheless, Alex leaned on the door frame casually, fighting to keep his expression neutral. "Sorry, probably should've called. Is this a bad time?"

    Steven's expression softened after a few minutes, and Alex was relieved when Steven didn't immediately say something along the lines of 'Yeah, I was just spending my free time with someone who isn't you.'

    Instead, Steven wordlessly stepped aside, hobbling just a little, allowing Alex to enter.

    "No, not at all. I was just resting. Damn, Petro, I really didn't expect this. I mean, I'm not complaining, but ..." Steven let his voice trail off, half wondering if maybe he hadn't woken from his nap at all, and if Alex standing in his doorway was some kind of amazing dream. He hobbled slightly into the hallway, allowing Alex to follow him into the condo.

    As soon as Alex made it past the threshold, his eyes darted to Steven's right leg, and the slightly fresh scar running down the length. Alex's thoughts started to race again and a feeling of guilt washed over him, because while he knew Steven's broken leg, suffered months earlier in a game with the Bruins, wasn't anywhere near his fault, Alex would also be lying if he said he had even attempted to contact Steven in the interim to see how he was doing.

    "Shit, Stammer, I should've called earlier. Sorry. How's the leg? Still bothering you?" Alex inwardly cringed, because he knew the second the words left his mouth the question was inane. Of course it hurt, Steven had broken the bone in two, something only surgery and a steel rod could fix. 

    Steven simply shrugged, as if it were no big deal, and Alex truly believed that to Steven, it wasn't. He had always been like that. Don't let anything get you down, push and battle through it.

    "We've both been busy, it's cool. Actually, it's been feeling a lot better. Just been pushing myself too hard at practice, and it's a little sore."

    "Of course you would," Alex chuckled. "You wouldn't have it any other way."

    A slight smile played on Steven's lips, and in that instant, Alex knew there was no more injuries, no missed calls or elapsed time between them. There was just them, in the moment, as if they had seen each other only yesterday. Steven slowly backed against the wall behind him, as if he knew what Alex's next move would be. As to not disappoint, Alex gently pushed at Steven's shoulders, pinning him to the wall. Next came the fervour of Alex's lips skating over the pale column of Steven's neck, and his teeth grazing over Steven's jawline. It was all Steven could do to stay standing, and his words came in short pants. "Damn it, Petro, you ... you aren't supposed to ..."

Alex hummed against Steven's skin, earning him a moan stifled by Steven biting at his lower lip.

    "Hm? I'm not supposed to what, Steven? You want me to stop?"

    Steven was almost sure he could hear his pulse thrumming in his veins, as Alex's teeth grazed the thin skin of his throat. He placed his palms on Alex's chest, and gave a gentle push.

    Alex smirked, and bit on his bottom lip. "Guess you do want me to stop."

    "I didn't say that," Steven responded quickly. "I'm just ..."

    "You're used to flowery, over the top displays," Alex teased.

    Steven smacked his shoulder playfully. "That's not what I meant."

    Alex tilted his head, and ran his hand up Steven's arm. "So that's a no to me stopping?"

    "When have you ever known me to get an over the top display ... out of anyone?" Steven smirked, half hoping the question would be a distraction that could buy him some time. It wasn't.

    "Maybe that's your problem," Alex started, before moving to cover Steven's lips with his own. It was a kiss charged with a tense electricity, one bred from too much time apart. Alex and Steven never really had a 'thing', at least not one that could be described in any conventional sense. They never pressed each other for information about how, and with whom, they spent their time apart. They also never wasted a second once they were together.

    Finally, Alex pulled away from the kiss. "Is that what you want? Some grand gesture?"

    Alex had never thought about trying to label what he had with Steven. And, ok, maybe Steven hadn't put the idea in Alex's head, but now that it was there, he couldn't stop it from dwelling in his mind, at least for a few seconds. He looked at Steven across the scant space separating them, his eyes fixated on the thoughtful gaze in Steven's eyes, and the nervous movements of Steven nibbling at his lower lip.

    "I just ... not here. Not in the hallway. My leg is killing me."

    Alex smirked again, and leaned against the wall, his hand beside Steven's head, and his lips brushing over Steven's. "Where would you rather, hm?"

    Steven chewed on his bottom lip in an effort to hide the charge of nervous energy running through his veins.

    Alex ran his index finger across Steven's collarbone, and let his eyes catch and hold Steven's. "What's it going to be, Stammer?"

    Steven swallowed around the lump in his throat. "I have a perfectly good bed upstairs."

    Alex chuckled, before he leaned in, his fingers sliding through Steven's hair, as he ran the tip of his tongue over Steven's lips. "That's direct."

    Steven tried to look irritated as he shrank back from Alex, and stepped around him. He stopped at the stairs, and turned his head to Alex. "You coming?"

    "Just so long as you don't expect me to carry you across the threshold, or some shit like that."

"I'm not sure you're strong enough to carry me, Petro."

    "Is that how you treat a friend?" Alex's voice caught on the word 'friend', and he cringed, just a little, hoping Steven didn't notice. _Damn it, Alex. Not now. Now is not the time_.

    Alex trudged up the stairs, staring straight ahead, not even really sure if he was walking, he couldn't feel his legs. He also knew he couldn't look down to see, not at that instant. He tried to push his thoughts aside, and focus on the moment, and the fact his time with Steven was no doubt fleeting. He shook his head slightly, as if that would help clear his mind.

    "Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to fluff your pillow for you, princess?" Steven's voice filtered back to Alex, and he couldn't help but laugh. Good. They were back to their usual banter.

    Steven reached the top of the stairs, and waited for Alex at the landing, standing right outside his bedroom, mock irritation painting his sharp features. 

"Will that be before, or after I smother you with it?" Alex was standing next to Steven seconds later, slipping his arm around Steven's waist and pulling him closer, an insufferable smirk playing on his lips.

    "Oh, you like it rough these days?" Steven tugged on the hem of Alex's shirt, dragging it agonizingly slow up Alex's torso. The corner of a nearly healed bruise peeked out of Alex's jeans, and Steven trailed his index finger across the edge of it, and listened as Alex's breathing faltered briefly.

    "If I said I did, would you hold it against me?" Alex murmured.

    Alex trembled as Steven tugged the button on his jeans loose, before his index and middle finger pressed down slightly on the bruise marring his hip. "Steven ..." Alex started, a warning tone in his voice.

    "Getting cold feet already, Alex?" Steven teased, dragging Alex's jeans past his hips and down his legs. He backed Alex up against the doorframe, the tips of his fingers trailing down Alex's torso as he slid to the floor. 

    "Hardly," Alex said through gritted teeth. He bit his bottom lip as Steven trailed his hands up his legs, his blue eyes flitting up to glance at Alex from his kneeling position.

    Steven's eyes seemed to halt all proper forms of speech in Alex's throat. Even after all this time, he still found himself tongue-tied. And, right now was no different, it seemed. Alex's fingers were digging into Steven's shoulder, so hard he was sure there would be a bruise there later. "Stammer ..." he started, trailing off as he felt Steven's tongue drag up his inner thigh.

    Steven flicked his gaze up to meet Alex again, and finally, Alex knew what it was about the calm blue of Steven's eyes that took his breath away every time. Alex was actually surprised he hadn't realized it sooner. After all, he was one of the many lucky enough to see the look for the first time. It was the exact look Steven's eyes held as he made his way onto the stage after having his name called by the Lightning as the first overall draft pick.

    It was the look of knowing exactly what you want, have been longing for, and finally getting it.

    Steven wanted to be on his knees in front of Alex, dragging his tongue over the skin of Alex's thigh, and hip bone. He wanted one of Alex's hands digging into his shoulder, and the other weaving  through his flaxen strands.

    "Stammer, you really need to ..." Alex's voice was thick and seemed to be coming from all directions.

    He clutched at Steven's shoulder and bit his bottom lip as he tilted his hips slightly. The fingers from his hand were tugging on Steven's hair, trying to move his head towards his cock.  Steven pulled away, and smirked at Alex, fingers pressing on Alex's hipbone. "Petro, that's just rude."

    "Oh, come on, Stammer," Alex started, before he clawed at Steven's hair, in another vain attempt to get his mouth on him. "It's been way too long."

    "Maybe it has," Steven started, his lips curving into a smile, and brushing over Alex's skin. "And maybe I want a little something for myself."

    Alex moaned deep in his throat, because damn it, of course Steven would pull this now. And of course, Alex would let him, any day of the week. He canted his hips forward, and let out an embarrassing whine.

    "What is it that you want, Steven?"

    Steven didn't answer right away, instead he kept to biting, licking, and scraping his teeth over every inch of Alex's thighs and hips, purposefully skirting the base of Alex's cock until he nearly forgot Alex had asked a question in the first place. Finally, Steven pulled away, murmuring his answer against Alex's skin.

    "I wanna make you come."

    Alex's breath caught audibly as Steven breathed hotly over his cock, before he finally took the head into his mouth. Alex couldn't stop the low moan from leaving his lips as Steven sucked on the head, hands pressed against his hips, halting Alex's movements.

    Alex's hands came up to rest on either side of Steven's neck, and he squirmed under Steven's touch, trying hard not to buck his hips into Steven's hot, awaiting mouth. Alex tugged on the flaxen coloured strands of Steven's hair, and bit his bottom lip as Steven moved his mouth further down his length.

    "Fucking hell, Stammer," Alex said through gritted teeth, his eyes flitting down to see Steven's lips stretched around his cock.

    It was almost enough to do him in, Alex thought. Oh, and Steven would just love that, he mused, before he bucked his hips slightly. Alex wasn't quite sure what he wanted more; to come completely undone, moaning as he spilled hotly down Steven's throat, or to draw the whole thing out, not giving Steven what he wanted until they were both breathless.

    Then, it briefly crossed Alex's thoughts that he might not have much of a choice. The way Steven's tongue was flicking over the underside of his cock, and the sounds Steven would make, like he was hungry for Alex, were shredding through every ounce of Alex's resolve and willpower to hold on just a little while longer.

    Alex was too busy panting and trying to get his thoughts to catch up with his body, when Steven pulled off his cock, fingers curling around his cock, stroking him from root to tip.

    "Stammer, just -" Alex started, trying to get Steven's mouth back on his dick.

    Steven grinned up at him, his fist jerking Alex one more time for good measure, before he leaned back in, sucking messily on the head of Alex's cock.

    "Fucking hell. Keep this up and I'm gonna ..." Alex practically had a death grip on Steven's head as he thrusted his hips forward, trying to get Steven's mouth further down his length.   

   When Steven pulled back a few minutes later, Alex cursed, and tugged on Steven's hair. Hard.

    "Come on, Stammer, I'm so fucking close. You can't just -"

    Steven blew hot air over Alex's cock in response, before he nipped at his hipbone.

    "Shh. Didn't anyone ever tell you patience is a virtue?"

    Alex's hand in Steven's hair tugged to the point of pain, and he arches his hips forward as Steven licked a long, languid line up the inside of his thigh.

    Alex let out a pathetic sounding whimper when Steven nipped his teeth at the sensitive skin of his inner thigh.

    "Jesus fuck, Stammer, just -" Alex whined, before he slid a hand down his own torso, and curled his fingers around his cock, jerking himself off with long, desperate strokes.

    "Now, now, Petro, there's no fun in leaving you to do that," Steven said, his voice shredded and his tone hoarse. He then ran his tongue once more over Alex's heated skin, and sucked in a deep breath before prying Alex's fingers from his length, and weaving their fingers together in tight grip. Steven's touch was hot in Alex's palm, and he could swear it was almost burning his skin as Steven rested their joined hands on his hip. Steven then wasted no time in taking all of Alex's length into his mouth, making low, resonate noises deep in his throat. That action alone was nearly Alex's undoing, and he could barely hold out any longer when Steven's eyes came up to meet his, the steely blue burning with a million thoughts and emotions as Alex held his gaze.

    Alex screwed his eyes shut, teeth biting down on his lower lip to stop from yelling. He tried to wrench his hand free from Steven's, but Steven only tightened his grip.

    Steven's cheeks were hollow as he sucked on Alex's cock. Alex was gasping, panting nonsensical words like his name, and phrases like 'oh, please'.

    Steven sucked his index finger into his mouth, drew it out, and trailed it back so it was resting between Alex's legs.

    "Oh, jesus please," Alex choked out, his voice sounding all fucked up. Steven loosened his grip, and Alex took advantage of it, his fingers coming up to curl in Steven's hair.

    Steven pulled off Alex's cock, jerking him as he whispered, "Come in my mouth, Alex. Come on."

    Alex let out a half-choked sound, and writhed against the wall as Steven took him back into his mouth. He pressed his index finger into Alex, as he let his neck and mouth go slack.

    "Oh, fuck, Steven..." Alex said, voice hoarse.

    His grip on Steven's hair tightened as he came in his mouth. Alex's eyes blinked rapidly as he watched Steven slide his cock out of his mouth. "Fucking hell, Stammer, that looks so fucking hot."

    Steven raised his blue eyes to look at Alex. There was a haunting kind of vulnerability in his eyes, Steven thought, but he also knew he had a tendency to over-think things lately.

    Alex tugged Steven to his feet, and draped an arm around him, tugging him close. He pressed his mouth against Steven's ear. "Take me to bed, Stammer."

    A smug smile played on Steven's face. "Oh, is that why you came here?" Steven never realized how much he loved the way Alex's eyes would crinkle at the corners when he laughed, or how his eyes would light up, or even how ... shit. What did Alex just say? Steven realized he might have missed it while he was busy analyzing everything he loved about Alex.

    "... or something like that," Alex said through a light chuckle, and moved to head towards the bedroom without even looking behind him to see if Steven would follow.

    Of course he would, and they both knew it. Alex landed on the bed with an over-exaggerated thud, and started grabbing pillows and throwing them to the floor.

    "Make yourself at home, why don't you," Steven teased, trying to keep his tone light, even though he felt a rush of anxiety run through his system.

    Steven wasn't quite sure what caused the strong wave of apprehension. Things with Alex had always been light and easygoing, but now Steven found the only thing he could focus on was the look Alex had a few minutes earlier.

    Steven didn't have long to think about, or over-analyze it, before Alex's hands were wrapping around his wrists, and pulling him down onto the bed.

    "You waste no time," Steven noted, letting out a nervous laugh.

    Alex positioned himself on his hands and knees, hovering over Steven. He then moved towards the head of the bed, forcing Steven to lay on his back without so much as touching him. Alex could see Steven getting flustered, and he was absolutely loving every second of it. Finally, Alex sat back on his heels, with his knees bracketing Steven's hips.

    "And why would I waste any time? That's just something we don't have a lot of."

    Steven tried to keep the frustration out of his voice, he really did, but the words and their heavy tone escaped his mouth before he could stop them. "Well, maybe, for a change, you can stay longer than five minutes after you're done with me ..."

    Alex laughed again, and Steven was suddenly finding it hard to remember what he was so irritated about in the first place.

    "Oh, I'm never done with you."

    Steven slid a hand up Alex's arm, and listened as Alex's breath hitched at the movement. "Is that why you always leave afterwards? If you're not careful, a guy could get a complex. Maybe start thinking you have other places to be, with other people. A guy could start to get jealous."

Alex chuckled, leaning his head down, so he could nuzzle his nose against Steven's neck. "If anybody should be jealous it should be me."

    "Jealous?" Steven managed to get out. "Of what?"

    Alex smirked against Steven's neck, before he slid his palm down Steven's torso, pushing his shirt up a few inches. "Y'know ..." his voice trailed off, as he brushed his lips against Steven's throat.

    Steven could barely hear Alex's voice over the roar in his ears. He gulped and nibbled at his bottom lip as Alex's fingers brushed over his abdomen. "I know what?" he prompted.

    Alex let out a sharp exhale and reluctantly answered, his lips brushing over Steven's throat. "DZ."

    "Are you ..." Steven started, trying to keep his thoughts from spinning as Alex slipped his index finger past the waistband of his jeans. "Are you seriously jealous of Michael?"

    Alex's fingers tugged the button loose on Steven's jeans, before he glanced up at him. "Should I be?"

    Alex avoided Steven's gaze, and stared with his eyes transfixed on the button of Steven's jeans. He began to mindlessly toy with the button, and silently hoped his voice hadn't betrayed how he really felt.

    Jealous? Okay, maybe a little. Or a lot. Whatever. Alex knew he had no grounds for any type of emotions, really. This thing he had with Steven, whatever it is and was, never allowed for discussion of feelings, or other partners. Alex also might have discovered he wasn't entirely happy with the arrangement.

    Lost in thought, and probably operating on auto pilot, Alex's eyes focused to see he had absentmindedly lowered the zipper on Steven's pants, and had started tugging at the waistband of Steven's boxers. He probably could've went on like that, ignoring the aforementioned subject and undressing Steven slowly, but apparently, Steven had other ideas.

    He shifted under Alex, raising up on his elbows and looking Alex square in the eyes. The steely blue of Steven's gaze nearly took Alex's breath away, along with any hopes of forgetting the pangs of jealousy.

    "Are you really trying to discuss Michael Del Zotto with your hand nearly down my pants?"

    Alex shifted his eyes away from Steven's penetrating gaze, and shrugged in an attempt to make it seem like he was just joking around.

    "Never mind," Alex muttered, "forget I said anything. I was just fooling around, anyway." He shifted, pressing a hand against Steven's shoulder in an attempt to push him down to the sheets.

    Steven's eyes narrowed, and he resisted Alex's attempts to get him to lay back down. "Just fooling around, huh?"

    Alex nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Besides, what was he supposed to say, when he wasn't even sure how to put his feelings into words.

    Steven eyed Alex with speculation, and Alex had to look away then. "Come on, Stammer," Alex said, tugging on Steven's boxers for emphasis. "We're wasting time."

    "In the interest of not wasting any more time," Steven began, slightly timid, as if he were admitting to something he didn't want to hear himself say. "You would have thought playing in Nashville, and moving closer would have made things better. It didn't."

    Alex wasn't really sure what to say in that instant. He always kind of knew there was something going on between Steven and Michael, whether Steven actually said the words or not. It also never really bothered Alex until ... when? He couldn't even pinpoint the exact moment he had made the shift from 'occasional, casual sex with a friend' to wanting it to be 'not so casual' and definitely 'not that occasional.'

    Well, he was there now. Alex blinked dumbfounded at Steven for a few more minutes, his mind digesting and dissecting every word Steven had just said. Alex picked apart every word, every syllable, let them percolate in his mind, before he let them go.

    "Oh," Alex finally murmured, his eyes transfixed on the patch of skin above Steven's jeans. The rays of sun peeked through the window, casting an almost angelic glow on Steven's flaxen hair and skin.

    Steven curled an arm around the back of Alex's neck, and tugged lightly. Alex was so lost in thought, he lost his balance, sending both him and Steven tumbling to the sheets. The place where Steven's shirt had rode up was warm against his belly, as he shifted above him.

    "Better?" Steven whispered, arching his hips against Alex's.

    The movement nearly short circuited what little brain function Alex had left, and he almost missed the double meaning behind Steven's posed question.

    Alex bit his bottom lip, before he lowered his eyes to Steven's. The blue of his irises undiluted, and so full of vulnerability, Alex's breath caught.

    "Alex?" Steven's voice broke through the silence. Alex thought Steven sounded hesitant; like maybe he was regretting even mentioning Michael.

    Alex lowered his mouth towards Steven, hovering them above his. "Never better," he finally breathed, before he pressed his lips to Steven's.

    Steven made a little mewling sound in his throat, before he wrapped his arms around Alex's neck, and looped his legs around the backs of Alex's knees. Alex felt all the blood rush to his cock, and he hurriedly pushed Steven's shirt up, cursing when they have to break apart, so he can get the shirt the rest of the way off.

    Alex slides his palm down Steven's torso, almost as if he was trying to commit each and every curve to memory. "It's different," he mused, his hands coming to a rest on Steven's hips.

    Steven blinked rapidly as Alex's words hit him. "What ... what's different?"

    Steven didn't mean to sound so shocked, but really, he kind of was. Alex's hands were on his hips when he said those words, was he literally talking about Steven's body being somehow different, or was the idea more of a figurative expression about where things stood between them?

    Steven tried to force a laugh, but it sounded fake and nervous. "Because I'm pretty sure my hips are the same as last time."

    A breath of air escaped Alex in a laugh, and his eyes lit with something Steven could only define as amusement.

    "I just meant," Alex started before waving his hands in the space between them, "you know, everything."

    Steven leaned up again to press his lips along Alex's jawline. "Everything, huh?"

Alex carded his fingers through Steven's hair, and tried to ignore the loud pounding of his heart echoing in his ears.

"Everything."

Steven blinked, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of Alex's neck. "Alex …" his voice trailed off as he felt Alex tugging on his jeans. 

"You've got too much clothing on still," Alex teased, sliding his mouth down Steven's torso, until his lips were hovering over the waistband of Steven's boxers.

"You can fix that, y'know," Steven replied with a nervous titter.

Alex mouthed Steven's cock over the thin barrier of his boxers, while his index finger tugged one side of Steven's boxers past his hipbone. "I can fix what?" he teased.

"Oh, you know, everything," Steven started to say in a thick voice, "at least I think that's the right answer."

Steven's mind was racing, and his thoughts were spinning as Alex continued to to run his lips along the edge of his cock, the only thing between them being the light fabric that Steven suddenly wished wasn't there at all. He could feel the puff of air that left Alex in a light chuckle, and it sent shivers down his spine.

"Have I really made the great Steven Stamkos tongue tied?"

"Oh, and whose fault is it that I am?" Steven groused, threading his fingers into Alex's hair.

Alex's voice was muffled as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Steven's boxers, and tugged them to his knees. "Steven ..." he breathed, before he pressed an open-mouthed kiss against Steven's thigh. "Tell me what you want."

"Damn you, Alex ..." Steven said, his frustration evident in his tone. He squirmed under Alex, and tugged on his hair, in an attempt to get his mouth on his cock.

Alex raised his head, his blue eyes bright and fiery. "Come on, Steven. I'm not gonna do it until you say it."

Steven blinked to try and keep his vision clear. "This is ..."

Alex smirked, his mouth making a trail of open-mouthed kisses along Steven's waist. "You know what to say, Steven. I know you do."

"Damn it, Petro," Steven growled. "I want you."

Alex hummed against Steven's skin, causing a shiver to course through his body. "You want me ... to what?"

Steven jacked his hips up against Alex's questing lips. "You. Just you."

Alex laughed, his eyes flicked up to look at Steven, the blue of his irises twinkling with amusement. He slid a hand up Steven's inner thigh, and brushed his knuckles over the base of Steven's cock. "Me? That covers an awful lot, y'know, Stammer."

Steven whined, hands clawing at Alex's arms. "Petro, don't tease so much."

Alex smirked, before he shifted his position, and pressed his lips to Steven's abdomen. "You like it when I do." He flicked his tongue over the head of Steven's cock. "Tell me, Stammer. Come on."

Steven couldn't get any words out, he just moaned over the sensations kicking through his system. Alex took the sounds leaving Steven's mouth as his cue, and wrapped his fingers around the base of Steven's cock, before he snuck just the head past his lips. Steven let out another low moan, and Alex swore he could get high off the sound, but he didn't move any further, instead, he pulled away.

Alex ignored the frustrated hiss Steven threw in his direction, and lifted his blue eyes to meet Steven's.

"Not until you tell me what you want."

Steven growled with frustration, digging his fingers into Alex's bicep. "You're really going to play that game now, Petro?"

Alex let the tip of his tongue circle the head of Steven's cock, and he smirked as Steven cursed. "Of course I am." He flicked the tip of his tongue over the underside of Steven's cock to emphasize his point. "Of course, you could end this all, and just tell me what you want."

The sensations coursing through Steven's veins were reaching a fever pitch. He cursed as Alex's tongue made another circle around his cock, and before he could stop himself, the words tumbled from his lips. "Damn it, Petro, just ... let me fuck your mouth."

"I might have to tell you to watch your language," Alex said, amusement colouring the edges of his voice.

Steven raised his hips up again, trying to prove a point. His voice might have been filled with frustration, but he was way past frustrated. Alex was determined to drive him out his damn mind, he concluded. "Oh, fuck off with that shit."

Alex reached up, and trailed his fingers along Steven's jawline. "Easy, kitten."

    Steven growled, and jacked his hips up against Alex, smirking at the sharp intake of Alex's breath. "Kitten? Really, Alex?"

    Alex let out a sharp bark of laughter and ruffled Steven's hair. "Aww, don't be mad." He placed his mouth next to Steven's ear, his tone low and laced with promise. "Especially since you're going to get exactly what you wanted."

    Steven whimpered. "Please ... oh, shit, Petro, please. Let me do it ..."

    Before Alex could even respond, Steven was threading his fingers through Alex's hair, and tugging at the strands. Alex just laughed at Steven's display of impatience.

    "That's what I was waiting for."

    Alex shot one last look towards Steven, letting his fiery blue eyes burn into Steven's, before he moved to kiss a trail down Steven's body.

Steven bit at his bottom lip, squirming as Alex's lips moved closer to his cock. "Alex ..."

    Alex brushed his lips over the head of Steven's cock, before he slid the tip between his lips. His eyes were burning into Steven's as he slid his mouth down a few more inches.

    Steven groaned, jerking his hips up into Alex's mouth. "Jesus fuck, Petro."

Alex let Steven set the pace for a few minutes, their eyes never breaking contact as Steven thrust his hips up into Alex's mouth, his hand threaded in Alex's hair controlling the depth and speed of his mouth. 

    Steven let his head fall back onto the pillow, mouth half open as a wash of heat spread through his torso, settling in the pit of his stomach. "Alex …" he managed to get out, an underlying warning that he was close, colouring the edges. 

Before Steven could stop him, Alex pulled his mouth off of Steven's cock. He ignored as Steven cursed violently, and flicked a heated gaze up to Steven. "I think I know what you'd like better." He moved so he was leaning down over Steven, his mouth hovering over Steven's mouth. "You should fuck me."

    Steven couldn't help but smile, although a little nervously. He wasn't quite sure why he was anxious, it wasn't even close to the first time Alex and him had been together, but still, Steven had to admit Alex was right. It did feel different.

    His hands scrambled against the sheets, searching for Alex's hand, and grabbing at his wrist. Steven then leaned up slightly, catching the corner of Alex's jaw with his teeth.

    "Being demanding, eh?"

    Alex craned his head out of Steven's reach, and slid his body off Steven's, to lay beside him.

    "I just know what we both want," Alex said, ignoring the evil look Steven had been shooting his way since the second he moved from his reach. The look soon faded from Steven's features, however, and was replaced by a smile.

    "Oh?" Steven started to say as he began to slide his body on the bed, in the direction of the nightstand. "Do you now?"

    Steven didn't wait for any further words from Alex, he just turned away from Alex to slide open the night stand drawer, and rummage through the contents.

    Alex sat back on his heels, biting at his lower lip as he waited for Steven, and willed his thoughts to stop spinning. Steven had already thrown the bottle towards the bed, but Alex hadn't noticed until he felt it land on the sheets with a thud. Alex was hesitant, and he thought if he didn't make up his mind soon, he just might chew through his lip in nervousness.

    Alex watched Steven's movements, waiting until Steven's fingers touched the box in the nightstand drawer.

    "Leave those there."

    Steven frowned, turning to look over his shoulder, his hand falling away from the box. "We've always used them, though."

    Alex felt all the heat rush to his cheeks as he fiddled with a loose thread on the sheets. "Well, I was kind of thinking we could stop using them." He chewed nervously on his bottom lip. "I mean ... I'm not y'know ... with anyone else now, and you and Michael aren't ..."

    Steven was at a loss for words as he filtered Alex's remarks through his mind. Maybe this is what Alex meant by everything was different this time around. Or maybe Steven was just trying to force it all to be 'different', because it seemed to be the only logical conclusion to draw from Alex's earlier inference. Either way, Steven was going to have to come up with a response.

    "Is this ..." Steven started, "what you want?" He managed to fish out a condom wrapper, and toss it onto the sheets. Steven avoided eye contact with Alex, his fingers outstretched towards him as if to say 'hey, you can still change your mind, and we can go back to the easy way things have been between us'.

    Steven bit on his lower lip, lost in thought as the silence fell between them. "I mean, we've got a good thing going as it is, Petro, and I don't -"

    Alex cut Steven's voice off as he placed an index finger against his bottom lip. "Shh."

    Steven felt a little uncomfortable, a little like Alex's eyes were burning into his skin. Well, he guessed they kind of were. When Steven finally willed his thoughts to stop spinning, he looked up to see Alex's eyes fixated on him. They weren't demanding, or pleading, but filled with a questioning patience.

    "That's fine for right now, but what about the past?" Steven asked a little timid, shifting his weight on the bed.

    Alex leaned forward, planting a feather light kiss on Steven's forehead. "I would never put you in danger, Steven. Trust me ... please?"

    Steven let his eyes slide shut as Alex's lips brushed against his forehead. It was all happening so fast. He wasn't quite sure what he expected from all this, or even if it was something Alex would want after the fact, when the sun and truth were bathing them with its harsh light. The discussion of where everything stood between them had never been brought up before now, and Steven was still reeling with a niggling thought, causing a hot twisting in the pit of his stomach. Maybe this was what he wanted. What he'd always wanted. Truth was, Steven wanted someone he could call his own.

    Steven slid a hand down Alex's arm, and inhaled. Alex smelled like fresh poplin, soap, and something just plain _Alex_. It was pleasant and calming. Like Alex was a tangible piece of what mattered. Steven always found Alex had a calmness about him, and it always made it so easy to just forget about everything. All his responsibilities, and expectations seemed to melt away every time he was with Alex.

    Steven swallowed to rid himself of the lump in his throat. "I know you'd never do anything like that, Alex," he agreed.

    Alex slid his hand down Steven's torso, as he brushed his lips across Steven's eyelids. "What's it going to be, Steven?"

    "Yes, dear God if you don't I just might ..." Steven couldn't stop the words from pouring from his lips, and he didn't even realize he had said anything at all until Alex's lips were pressing against his to stop the sound.

    "Shh, shh. It's all right."

    Alex pulled back slightly, just enough for Steven to see the smile creeping to the corners of his lips. "Never half ass anything, do you, Stam?"

    Steven scowled. "Funny you should mention the word 'ass'."

    Alex laughed, before he grabbed the bottle Steven tossed on the bed earlier. He nipped at Steven's bottom lip, before he settled himself on his back. "You wanna watch?"

    Steven eyed Alex with fiery blue eyes, before he scrambled into a position between Alex's legs. "Did you really have to ask?"

    "You know," Alex started, "I don't think we've ever done this before."

    "Which 'this'?" Steven asked through a chuckle. Alex cocked an eyebrow, and put on a smile so big Steven knew Alex had been waiting for him to ask just that question.

    "This," Alex said, reaching his right hand toward Steven's lips, and his voice slid over Steven like silk. Alex's fingertips brushed along Steven's bottom lip, and before he knew it, Steven was capturing his wrist and brushing his thumb along the pulse point.

    The moan Alex let out was borderline obscene when Steven finally sucked his fingers into his mouth with a drawing pull.

    Alex bit his bottom lip as he watched Steven suck on his index finger. "Fucking hell, Steven," he said, as his free hand curled around Steven's cock.

    Steven's hips jerked as Alex's hand closed around the base of his cock. "Damn it," he breathed.

    Alex took that as his opportunity to slide his finger from Steven's mouth. Steven heard a soft clicking noise as Alex got the top open on the bottle. "I said I'd let you watch," Alex breathed, pushing Steven away from him lightly.

    Steven fell to the sheets, watching as Alex hovered over him like every dream he's ever had. He laid back, letting Alex shift over him, bracketing Steven's hips with his knees, and shifting all his weight onto one hand.

    Steven had to fight his eyes to focus as his vision was suddenly filled with the sight of Alex, and how deftly his hand moved in a perfect, practiced motion to slide between his legs and find his opening.

    Alex gasped as he slowly slid one finger into himself, and it was just about the best sound Steven had ever heard. Or at least he thought it was, until more harsh gasps escaped Alex as he slipped another finger in, working to find just the right angle.

    For a moment, Steven wasn't looking at Alex's lean frame hovering over him, or the way his muscles would pull taut as he worked himself open. In that instant, all Steven could see was blue of Alex's eyes, and how they were just like the blue of an open flame.

    "Steven," Alex said, the fingers from his free hand digging into Steven's shoulder. "Thought about ... thought about doing this for you."

    Steven dug his fingers into Alex's hips, and whined as Alex scissors his fingers, his breathing harsh and erratic. "Alex, fuck ... you need to let me ..."

    Alex let his eyes slide down to look at Steven, a small smirk on his face. "I need to let you do what?"

    "You need to let me do that." Steven tried to reach for Alex's wrist, but it was just out of his grasp.

    Alex responded by thrusting his fingers deeper, and letting his eyes fall shut. The corners of his lips twitched, and a sound escaped Alex that was almost enough to do Steven in, right on the spot.

    "Alex, please," Steven whined, making another attempt to reach for him.

    This time, Alex's eyelids fluttered open, and his lips parted in a smile. "I really should let you have some of the fun."

    "Oh, jesus fuck, Alex," Steven said, before he grabbed the lube.

    Alex slowly slid his fingers out of himself, his eyes never breaking eye contact from Steven. "Your turn," he whispered.

    Steven slides his index finger between Alex's legs, brushing it against the edges of his ass, before he slides the tip of his finger inside, feeling the unbearable heat there. Alex inhaled sharply, his fingers digging into Steven's shoulder.

    "Steven ..." Alex managed to get out before Steven slid the rest of his finger inside him.

    Steven was dizzy, and half-euphoric as Alex writhed above him, fingers digging so hard into his shoulders, he was sure there would be bruises there later.

    The pleasure-pain coursed through Steven's system, and he had to keep his hands from trembling as he slipped another finger inside Alex. Alex's breathing became ragged, and hot against Steven's skin, and Steven almost forgot they had plans for something else, something further.

    "Shit, Alex, seeing you like this ..."

    Alex lifted his head, mildly bemused, and Steven dug the fingers from his free hand into Alex's thigh.

    "Steven ..." Alex's voice trailed off as Steven wound a fist in his hair and pulled his mouth down to his. The kiss is anything but gentle, Alex realized. Stubble rubbing against stubble, his tongue slipping into the hot, awaiting heat of Steven's mouth. Alex shivered and felt his breath catch as Steven slipped his fingers from inside him.

    "Alex ..." Steven rasped against Alex's collarbone, before he rolled them, so Alex was pinned to the mattress beneath him. Steven's hands were mapping his chest, his slightly calloused palms running over Alex's chest. Alex moaned and squirmed beneath Steven.

    Steven could hear his heart pounding in his ears, and he felt like he should say something, but he couldn't seem to formulate words, let alone a complete sentence. Instead, he dragged his tongue along the column of Alex's throat, before he shifted his position, the tip of his cock nudging against Alex.

    Alex slicked one of his hands, before he curled his fingers around Steven's cock. He stroked Steven a few times, spreading the lube and precome around, before he let his hand fall to the base of Steven's cock, to hold him steady. It took all the willpower Steven possessed not to lose it right then and there. Then he pushed in, slow and unsteady, kind of like how it was the first time they ever did this. Like how it always is.

    "Alex ..." Steven breathed, bringing his head down to graze his teeth along Alex's throat.

    Alex arched his back, his head falling back against the pillows, a sob escaping his lips. "Steven, fuck, please ..."

    Looking back on it, Steven realized they always had a certain kind of routine to their seemingly random hookups. Usually, it was a late night call when Steven was in St. Louis, or when Alex was in Tampa. That had always been followed by what at first glance was a messy clash of teeth, tongues and limbs, but now Steven could see the beauty in the chaos, and the perfection in every second they've spent together. Steven thought it was almost as if every meeting they've ever had was preparing them for just this moment. When Alex reached up and ran his fingers along Steven's side, bringing him back to the present, he knew it for sure.

    Steven's head was spinning as he stared down at Alex, all blue eyes and mussed, damp hair, and he almost forgot how to breathe. Sucking in another shaky breath, Steven pushed further into Alex, and his heart beat a little faster at the sound Alex made.

    Alex ran his hands down Steven's sides, slightly tentative at first, and then he was digging his blunt nails into Steven's shoulder blades as Steven continued to move above him. "I - Steven ..."

    Steven trembled above Alex as he moved inside him, and all he could feel was the way Alex writhed beneath him, tight muscles loosening with every thrust he made. Alex's voice was raw, his breathing ragged.

    "Alex ... fuck, Alex ... you feel so good," Steven gasped out, in between thrusts.

    Alex twisted his fingers in Steven's hair restlessly, and he pushed his hips up against Steven. Steven nearly lost it right then and there.

    "Steven, I ..." Alex's voice trailed off as his eyes caught and held Steven's.

    Steven's heart was beating so loudly, he was sure Alex could hear it too. "Alex, I don't think I'm going to ..."

    "Shh," Alex whispered, "it's okay. Come on, Steven. I want to see you come."

    Steven was quite sure it was Alex's words - spoken in a quiet, reassuring tone - that did him in. Little, breathless noises spilled from his lips as he shuddered his release above Alex. He sagged forward, and buried his face in Alex's neck, Alex's name falling from his lips like some kind of broken litany.

    Steven nuzzled at the spot behind Alex's ear, and swallowed hard, trying to collect his thoughts over the sound of Alex's breathing, and his own heart pounding in his ears.

All the words he wanted to say, all the questions he wanted to ask were stuck in his throat. Steven tried to push them past his lips, but finally, he stopped trying, letting himself relish in the rough, yet calming sound of Alex's ragged breathing. As the sounds of Alex's breathing filtered into his ear, Steven breathed the only words that seemed appropriate.

    "This time ... maybe stay awhile?"

**Author's Note:**

> We hang around on tumblr, if you're so inclined:  
> [blueabsinthe](http://blueabsinthe18.tumblr.com/)  
> [boltschick2612](http://boltschick2612.tumblr.com/)


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